What to Expect...

I went to a baby shower this weekend and it didn't hurt... much. It's weird that I would feel tiny pings of jealousy. T and I have been friends for over a decade. I was there when her first two children were born and would do for them as if they were my own.

As I sat next to her, looking at her bulging belly, I felt a mix of joy, sadness, jealousy and good fortune. The joy because I couldn't be happier for her and her family. The sadness because a small part knew that this is something that just happened to her. The jealousy because it wasn't happening to me. And the good fortune because I was with my four-year-old nephew who is a ball of fire.

Two times I thought he was going to break something by accident. Folding chair + shelf of porcelain collectibles + 4 year old boy = heartburn. To know that I don't have to feel that anxiety all of the time was a minor relief.

While I was shopping for T, I did take the liberty to get something for myself.

This book is as frightening as everyone makes it seem. They cover everything from an early bulge to miscarriage. I could only get through the first chapter without feeling overly anxious and wanting to throw up. Thankfully, I'm not yet expecting so I drank a glass of wine to bring me down.

God, I'm glad I'm taking this time to prep.