Reverb 10 - Day 3: Moment

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

June 13, 2010


I had been lying awake for hours. The soft release of his breath played into my ears. He always slept so soundly; I've always been the one to wake at a pin drop. I could feel him change positions behind me. Slowly rolling from his side to his belly. It made the mattress ripple beneath me. I silently laughed imagining the puddle he would leave on his pillow.


So many thoughts ran through my head. Thoughts that I hadn't shared with him. I didn't want him to worry. I worried enough for us both. And at this moment, I couldn't positively say that there was anything to worry about. But that's how I am. Plan and routine are my keys to peace and rest. Surprises are cause for panic.


Quietly, I looked around the darkened room trying not to focus on the digital clock on my side table. It's glowing numbers glared at me with their bright red eyes. The time shifted and changed but it's icy stare never did. Over and over it mocked me with its declarations of the passing minutes. I wanted to sleep. I wanted to know. But I couldn't risk waking him. I didn't want to be in a position of having to explain unless there actually was something to explain.


I was losing the battle against insomnia and when I no longer had the urge to fight I got out of bed. Softly, I tiptoed into the bathroom. I pulled the door closed behind me and cursed the hinges for squealing in delight. Under my breath I cursed him for still not having greased them. I flicked on the light only long enough to light a candle. Kneeling on the bathroom floor, I stuck my arm all the way into the bottom drawer. Past the 3 curling irons, the flat iron, the 4 brushes, and dozens of combs, I found it. The box I'd been hiding for 2 days.


We sat there staring at each other for what seemed like hours. The box knew what it was there to do. It knew its purpose in life. Would it tell me mine? Carefully, I peeled back its flap and removed on perfectly wrapped stick. I knew what I had to do but I read the instructions anyway. All of them. Over and over again. Until there was nothing left.


I sat and waited. Time never seemed to pass. It felt like I had counted to 100 about a million times. And in the soft glow of the candle light, I couldn't see what the stick was trying to tell me. I hovered at the door and slowly flicked on the light. The bathroom was engulfed in its brilliance. There they were - two very pink, very perfect lines.


My breath caught in my lungs. I held on to my small, plastic psychic and asked her if she were sure. Her response remained unchanged. Tears pricked the corners of my eyes and my vision began to blur. My heart went aflutter and the corners of my lips curled upward. I put my left hand on my abdomen hoping to feel something exciting and new but all I could feel was love. Raising my head, I saw myself in the mirror; I saw a mother.


I wiped my eyes and stashed my psychic away. As I opened the door, I could hear the hinges sing their resounding chorus but this time it was for me. That's when I saw his eyes staring down at the soft, pale light that used to peek from beneath the bathroom door. They looked up at me; he asked, "So?". I answered, "Yes".